Sunday, October 26, 2008

Things that suck - October 26


Best Buy – Any question I ask upon entering this store is answered by a different version of, “I’m sorry, we can’t help you on account of us desperately trying to rip you off.”

Men V-Neck Enthusiasts – Thank you for exposing your chest to the world. The next frontier is V-neck pants. Keep pushing those limits.

Men Who Wear Capris – Another revolution in men’s clothing! Thank you for pushing back the boundaries on what is acceptable for men to wear. Next stop, dresses! After that, we conquer panties. Libert√©, Egalit√©, Fraternit√©, Lingerie! We will not stop until all men feel comfortable exposing their calves.

Voicemail Coaches – Every time I am forced to listen to a robotic woman remind me how to leave a message I lose a little faith in humanity. This can’t go on forever, can it? Can it really? I’m starting to wonder if a numerical page even exists.

Chocolate Cereal – Cocoa Puffs will turn your milk into chocolate milk! Gross, disgusting chocolate milk that reflects how totally gross Cocoa Puffs is. We gave it a good honest try, it is time we gave up on this dream.

Comcast – You should consider Comcast’s basic package, which for a very affordable price will provide you with a huge variety of KBYU channels and unbelievable amounts of Spanish-language programming. Thanks to Comcast I can finally satisfy my hunger for both BYU devotionals and telenovelas. Viva KBYU! I look forward to the years I will spend arguing with Comcast representatives over the phone.

Contributers: Elizabeth Leavitt

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Kyu Sakamoto Sings a Song

You may have already been exposed to this song, thanks to Bridger. Even if you have, it is worth another listen, and it is definitely worth seeing this man sing it while he walks around what I can only guess is Japan. If you haven't, then you are in for a real treat. This song is among my top 3 most charming songs.
I imagined the music video would be a Japanese man wearing a colorful suit, holding his hat, wandering around in a colorful world with bluebirds flying onto his shoulder. Turns out it is a Japanese guy walking around in black and white. Sounds fine to me.

Kyu Sakamoto - Ue wo muite arukou



Notice how smiley he is? This is odd because the English translation is:

I look up when I walk
So the tears won't fall
Remembering those happy spring days
But tonight I'm all alone
I look up when I walk
Counting the stars with tearful eyes
Remembering those happy summer days
But tonight I'm all alone
Happiness lies beyond the clouds
Happiness lies above the sky
I look up when I walk
So the tears won't fall
Though my heart is filled with sorrow
For tonight I'm all alone
(whistling)
Remembering those happy autumn days
But tonight I'm all alone
Sadness hides in the shadow of the stars
Sadness lurks in the shadow of the moon
I look up when I walk
So the tears won't fall
Though my heart is filled with sorrow
For tonight I'm all alone
(whistling)

Kyu has an excellent attitude for being such a sad fellow.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Questions? Comments?

This week was Fall Break. First of all, I spent loads of time watching The OC. I watched some television, I played some cards, my hatred of Best Buy intensified, but one of the more productive things I did was when I called the "Questions or Comments" phone lines of some of my favorite products.
On the labels of most of your foods, you will find a "Questions and Comments" telephone number. It's good that they have this phone line, because I'm sure people have a lot of questions about these products. People might be wondering, "How am I supposed to eat this peanut butter?" No need to worry, just call the questions line.
I didn't have any questions though, I just wanted to call up a few of these companies to comment that I think they are doing a great job, and that is what I did.


1. Skippy Peanut Butter: 1-866-475-4779

I explained to a really nice lady that Skippy has mastered a smoothness in its peanut butter that other companies, especially generic brands, cannot quite catch onto. The two of us had a good conversation about how it is a good source of vitamin E, Protein, and has no cholesterol. This peanut butter will make you feel like you are rubbing clouds on your mouth.

Last Word: "Well thank you, and thank you for this terrific, creamy, product." - Craig

Spoils: I am getting some coupons and a brochure from Skippy mailed to my apartment.


2. Santitas Brand Tortilla Chips: 1-800-352-4477

I suggested to the woman helping me that I preferred the white corn to the yellow corn, because I suspect it is more salty. At this point, she admitted to me that she has never eaten a Santitas chip! I went on to explain that Santitas is cheaper than other tortilla chips without sacrificing the taste. Somehow, we got on the topic of Frito-Lay being the company at large, and how lost my family would be without original Fritos to include in my dad's taco salad. I have no idea what adverse affect loads of sodium has on my body, but I am happy that I am doing it by eating loads of these delicious chips.

Last Word: "Thank you so much, and good work to all the people who are making these chips." - Craig

Spoils: I will also be recieving some coupons from Frito-Lay. I cannot even imagine the savings I am going to encounter.

3. Campbell's Condensed Tomato Soup: 1-800-257-8443

The boy on the line didn't seem very interested in my opinion of this soup, which is too bad, because I have a lot to say about this soup, as I told him, "That would be so great, and I would love to tell you all about this soup." He did not give me much of an opportunity after that to go on. This is a cheap soup, it is a good tasting soup, and is a soup that is good for dipping. That boy will never really know what I think about Campbell's Condensed Tomato Soup.

Last Word: "Well I just love dipping my grilled-cheese sandwiches with this soup, I just can't get enough. So I thank you." - Craig

Spoils: I will be getting some nice coupons from Campbell's that can be used on any of their soups. My 50 cent can of condensed tomato soup just got that much more affordable.


4. Stephen's Gourmet Hot Cocoa: 1-800-845-2400

The lady on the other end of the line had no idea how to respond to my praise. So she said, "So... have you tried the candy cane one?" That exhausted all her conversation points, and I started to realize, that after exchanging two sentences, it was time for me to navigate to the end of the phone call. If you thought this hot chocolate was good while you were peddling it door to door to strange men so your school would give you a Sega Dreamcast, you were right.

Last Word: "The fact that this cocoa is made right here in Utah warms both my stomach and my heart." - Craig

Spoils: No coupons. A little cheap for a company that I built from the ground up, door by door.

Conclusion: Please feel free to call any of these companies to let them know that they are doing a good job.