Wednesday, August 12, 2009

For Your Consideration

Here are a couple things I've decided I don't like:

Numeric Messages - Over the summer I work at a call center. One of the things I occasionally find is the line going dead, and then a robot woman telling me that the person is unavailable, and to prepare to send my "numeric message". This is convenient, because I was planning on just leaving a numeric message over the line anyway.

Phone Answerer: Hello?
Craig: 5, 84, 17, 2, 139, 16! Figure that one out.

Sales on Honey Bunches of Oats... and nothing else - I feel like the only cereal on the planet that ever goes on sale is Honey Bunches of Oats. And not the good kind with the fruit, it's always the other kind that nearly no one actually likes to eat. Occasionally an edible cereal will mark down their prices, but to make up for that, Honey Bunches of Oats is ALWAYS on sale. It's like all the Honey Bunches of Oats that were ever made were made 20 years ago, and they just have this huge reserve of it that they can't get rid of.
Because this is the only cereal on sale 9 out of 10 times, it is one of the only cereals I ever buy. I even used to enjoy it, but the taste bud massacre caused by over a decade of Honey Bunches of Oats in my mouth has killed any interest I once had in this cereal. Please, can't someone else have a sale?

Love Shack by the B-52's - Was this song ever even popular? I have a suspicion that there was never a time that anyone liked this song. Somehow it has been forced upon the unwilling public for about 20 years. I have heard Love Shack on the radio this summer several times, and it just leaves me wondering what DJ is out there thinking: "You know what I think people would love to hear right now? Love Shack."
If you have any doubt on how bad this song actually is, here is a video of the B-52's performing it at their induction to the Georgia Music Hall of Fame, just before the entire state of Georgia imploded -

The PC Laptops Kid - This is another result of my exposure to radio this summer. I've heard loads, and loads of PC Laptops radio commercials. I can usually handle the HILARIOUS antics of the regular PC Laptops guys, but I have to put my foot down with their new annoying children commercials. For some reason these kids can't talk at a normal steady pace, and they sound like this - (Imagine nasally, annoying kid voice) - "I love my... brand new PC Laptops... computer because... I can upload... videos and pictures... of my... family and friends. One day... I'm going to be... a computer... programmer... and make video... games." At this point it wouldn't be a stretch for me to begin hyperventilating and pass out, waking up hours later in a flaming wreck next to the freeway. It's like the kid can't read a script of more than four words at a time. I wish I could hold this child over a tall building and scream: "Say it normal! Say it normal or else! Diversify your inflection or reap the consequences!"
These kids are the worst.

On the other hand, here is a thing I like -

The Generationals - When they fight, they fight (This is a different version than their album recording, which is better, but I hope it demonstrates how nice this song is)

Final Notes:
- I've recently been asked by two people who do not know each other if I anonymously write Confessions from a Mormon Bachelor Pad. I don't. I really don't.
- You might have noticed that my most recent poll ended in a fierce deadlock between two people. One of those people was me. This is evidence that my blog is a success.


derek w. said...

I've long felt that Love Shack is one of the worst songs ever created. Nice work.

jaime said...

I concur with Derek. Love shack makes me want to burst my own eardrums with an ice pick! I also agree with all your other comments except the Honey Bunches of Oats one...that I think is yummy!

Here are some other hateful items for your consideration:
1. The macarena. It's not a fun dance, it's very very dumb!!
2. That Marie Antoinette movie. The longest most boring movie ever!!
3.Girls who wear those matching work out outfits with stuff written on the bum around town...not fashionable.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

It's a shame you don't write our blog it would probably be funnier.

If you ever need a place to live and we have a spot we could just assimilate you into the publication.

Let us know.

Bridger W. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bridger W. said...

That Generationals song is a real treat. Thanks for sharing it.

I don't know what the Mormon Bachelor Pad is all about, but I want to track down everyone involved and drill their brains out. I can't imagine being involved in anything more embarrassing.

Cassidy said...

I agree 100% with Bridger on The Mormon Bachelor blog. I am SO glad you have nothing to do with it. Ugh.

jaime said...

Craig!! Move in with the Mormon Bachelor Pad!! They are hilarious and think of all the tail you would get!?!

Rebekah said...

I feel like Jaime and I have the same brain sometimes. Her comments equally reflect my own - but I just want to stress these points:

1- Move in the with Mormon Bachelor Pad boys Craiggy! You need more tail in your life! I keep trying to pimp out your body to my friends but for some reason you're too shy to actually do anything about it. I think the Mormon Bachelor Pad boys would work wonders with your shyness around attractive girls. Think about it okay.

2- I love a good bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats.

That is all. :)

Craig Barlow B. said...

1. You have not been trying to pimp out my body to all your friends hard enough, because I don't remember that happening. I want you to retract your shy statement.
2. Let's remember what this post is about... ME, ME, ME! No more talk about this Bachelor Pad... more talk about ME!
3. I love Honey Bunches of Oats, I just don't think I can eat it anymore.

Olympic Dater said...

I hate commercials done with kids talking about things they have no understanding of (like the PC laptop kids) and cringe at people who have their kids on their voicemail greetings.