Sunday, November 29, 2009

A News Turkey Brief

Obama reverses pardoning policy in lieu of recession

Reversing a Thanksgiving turkey pardoning policy first enacted by President George H.W. Bush, U.S. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced in a Nov. 25 press conference that Courage, a 45-pound turkey, would shortly be taken into the White House, cooked and eaten by President Barack Obama, who Gibbs explained was, "totally starving."

Obama silently addressed the crowd, shifty eyed as he slowly retreated back through his front door while tightly constricting the flailing turkey in his emaciated arms. In response to later questions on why the administration decided to flip on the pardoning tradition, the visibly famished Obama said, "Because I was planning to eat that sucker."

Although the traditional pardon was scheduled to take place, Obama, malnourished and pale, reappeared moments later only to retreat once again from the crowd of reporters and PETA officials after surreptitiously stuffing his pockets with complementary rolls.


Final Note: He actually did say, "Because I was planning to eat that sucker." Although, in a different context. If you would like to read the actual turkey pardoning story, you can read it (and watch it) here.

2 comments:

prestonesterly said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
caitlin said...

I like your version of the story better.