Thursday, November 19, 2009

This Post Will Blow Your Mind...Literally

I have a friend named Scott. Scott has told me throughout the years how much he dislikes when people misuse the word "literally." For example, Meg Stapleton, Sarah Palin's spokeswoman recently said about Palin, "The world is literally her oyster." Really, Meg Stapleton? There are a few ways you could interpret this. Either Palin has actually magically transformed the world into an oyster and claimed ownership ("See this world? It's not a world anymore, it's an oyster, and it is mine."), or Palin already owns an oyster she has affectionately named, "The World." ("Good evening. I would like to introduce you to my oyster, The World.")

There are some practical uses to knowing the difference. Suppose a person said, "I'm literally going to knock your socks off." Whatever they are literally going to do is going to have to be pretty violent, so watch your back. When I said this post will literally blow your mind, I'm serious...this post might make your brain explode. Continue at your own risk.

For those of you who don't know, I am the opinion editor for the Daily Utah Chronicle. If you are an internet stalker/molester, you can add that piece of information to your Craig-knowledge to help you narrow down my location. I also think you should know that I have rigged my house with elaborate traps and a zipline in the fashion of Home Alone.

Anyway, one of my jobs is to recieve and edit letters to the editor. There are a lot of things I could say about this process (like why people think they can submit a 900 word letter to the editor). Recently I got a letter in response to a photo we printed after the Utes got soundly beaten by TCU. The author titled the letter:

Utes get screwed by TCU Horny Toads...Literally!!!

I certainly hope not. If so, people certainly have been good sports about it. It reminds me of a line from Dirty Work after one of the characters addresses the other prisoners as he is being released from prison:

"You fellas have a lot of growing up to do, I'll tell you that. Ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. Can you believe these characters? Way out of line. Way out of line. Have a good mind to go to the warden about this. You know what hurts the most is the... the lack of respect. You know? That's what hurts the most. Except for the... Except for the other thing. That hurts the most. But the lack of respect hurts the second most. "

Final Notes:
- The Sarah Palin spokesperson quote was taken from a fantastic blog that does nothing but track the abuse of the word "literally." You can find it here.
- Last night I played wallyball, and my legs feel like they are about to break in two...literally.


jaime said...

I could be all witty and funny and use the word literally in my comment here, but I'm not gonna do that. Alright! I'm just not!

Ps- You're funny,and crack me up...fact!

Bridger W. said...

I forgot about that brilliant oyster line. There's something about it that even elevates it above the idiocy of people's usual abuse of "literally." Pure genius.