Saturday, December 26, 2009

Long Time, No See

It has been nearly a month since I last posted. My life suddenly got very busy. Here is a short review of some of the things I've been up to in the last month:

A. I took the LSAT. I still don't know how I did, although I'm cautiously optimistic. If I ever have to take it again I'm going to let you kick me in the crotch as much as you want.
B. I finished Fall Semester. My hippie/magic class was finally vanquished. (Supplementary links dealing with my hippie class - 1 - 2.) Never again will I ever have to "connect" with nature, wonder about how awesome the sunset is, or "communicate" with the "living beings" in my "natural environment." I look forward to putting the next animal I see in a chokehold and yelling at it while I burn down a tree.
C. I played the harmonica (with my cousin Phil who played guitar) at temple square. In an hour and a half we made $43. Plus it wasn't a very busy night, and we were competing with a harmonica-playing hobo. We will be back next year. If you see us next year, I hope you'll give us some money. I'm almost always very poor, and will almost certainly be poor next year.
D. I did the a month. (I'm not usually this disgusting. I promise.)

Anyway, since it's been a busy month, I thought this would be a good opportunity to reintroduce myself. Please enjoy this survey written and designed for 13 year old girls.

My name is Craig, and I filled out this survey:

1. Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? - Probably not talk, but I do plan on breathing heavily into the reciever until she hangs up.

2. Ever had a near death experience? - Not yet. But when I heard rumors last week that Heroes might get cancelled at the end of this season I almost had an actual death experience. Instead I settled for my frozen heart shattering into a million pieces in a way it hasn't since Anna moved back to Pittsburgh.

3. Where’s your cell phone? - It's sitting next to me on the table, minding its own business.

4. What is the last thing you thought about? - Where my cell phone was.

5. Do you regret anything? - I regret seeing Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I wish I had spent that time doing charity work.

6. If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell? - The U.S. government.

7. What are you going to do this weekend? - Tonight I'm going to a day-after-Christmas party at the Lewis' house. Later I might go see Sherlock Holmes. I'll be hanging out with my brother and sister-in-law. And I'll be going to church with my family.

8. When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? - Just today.

9. Do you prefer revenge or just pure jealousy/envy? - I prefer revenge. Two of the times I took revenge in high school are still some of my proudest moments. But I'm not confessing to any specifics.

10. Who would you like your next “fling” to be with? - Catherine Zeta Jones. By now she has heard of my last "fling" no doubt, because I have so many "flings." That's me. Having flings all the time.

11. Would you curse in front of your parents? - I try not to curse at all. The only time I am known to curse is when I'm all alone in my car in heavy traffic or bad weather. I have genetic road rage.

12. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog? - No, I stop, put the dog in a chokehold, yell at it, and burn down a tree.

13. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? - I would strip and pose nude right in your face in real life. Chances are when you get home, I will be lounging, nude, on your couch. See if I care.

14. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? - I am an Eagle Scout. I am a member of Order of the Arrow. I have three palms. Give me me a destination, one hour, and a compass, and I will immediately get lost in the woods without fail. You can count on me.

15. Do you think musicals are cheesy? - Actually, I love musicals. And I'm not ashamed about it. Whether or not they are cheesy is a non-factor.

16. Ever won a spelling bee? - Two years in a row (3rd and 4th grade) I cried when I was eliminated from the school spelling bee. Just the thought that anyone could spell better than I could ripped my heart to shreds.

17. What’s the nicest text in your inbox say? - "What, that's like a dollar an hour!!! JK that's awesome. I guess you actually could quit your day job. I had no idea you rocked the harmonica so impressively." - Camille said that. That was nice of Camille.

18. Have you ever been called a tease? - Every summer I wear my white nearly-see-through-when-wet swimming suit just so I can tease others when they catch a glimpse of my milky white thighs...still, despite all my efforts, I have never been called a tease.

19. What are your chances of getting with your crush? - I'd say very high. I've been such a romantic success in the past, after all.

20. Are you stubborn? - About some things. I can be really, unbelievably stubborn.

21. Do you always smile for pictures? - Usually in pictures I make a face that I will eventually regret.

22. Do you have kids? - I don't even have one kid.

23. Do you want kids? - Sooner or later, I wouldn't mind having some kids.

24. Whats your favorite color? - I don't really understand picking one color as a favorite color. All the colors seem totally fine to me.

25. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? - A swarm of bees. With a swarm of bees I think my chance of escape is quite a bit higher. A big bear would almost definitely overpower me in a physical contest. A small bear, however, would be a totally different story. I would beat the crap out of a small bear.

26. Dance in the shower? - If my roommates aren't in the apartment I will dance in the shower to the point of risking serious injury to myself.

27. Dance in the car? - I actually have a playlist on my iPod dedicated to songs I can dance in the car to. I go absolutely and completely crazy when a dancable song comes on. You would not want to know me if you knew what I look like when I do this. Doubly so for the shower dancing.

28. Are you patient? - No. There are times I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate in anticipation.

29. Ever take dance lessons? - In fact, I took Ballroom Dance and Latin Dance at the University of Utah. I'm not going to lie, I'm a pretty good dancer.

30. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? - The Biggest Loser will bring me near to tears. I think that is pretty close.

Anyway, I hope that you had a Merry Christmas. To win you back over from my month-long absence, I've put together this picture:


Elizabeth said...

GREAT post Craig. I enjoyed this very much.

Elizabeth said...

I also wanted to say that I'm sure your LSAT scores will be dazzling. Best wishes on law school dreams.

Scott said...

Craig is my hero, and this is one that cant get cancelled. We should totally go yell at small animals together sometime.

jaime said...

Craiggers you silly little tease! I'm calling B.S.! You would totally save that dog from drowning!

Ps- Me and The Universe decided we can't help but love you.