Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Drunker You Are, The Better I Dance

When I moved to Denver from Salt Lake City, I realized that people might be hesitantly curious about my religion of choice after I told them, "I'm from Utah." And although it's pretty obvious, I guess I didn't really think about how significant that is. To at least a few people, I am now, "the Mormon guy," which isn't really how I've ever characterized myself in the past. This brings up a few interesting situations. Being Mormon in Salt Lake City isn't really a very interesting thing to be. In fact, being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (obligatory full name reference) is common enough in Utah that even if I hadn't been a member, people probably would have assumed I was. Being Mormon in Denver is apparently more interesting.

Anyway, one of these situations is bar hopping. Now, just in case I am about to be accused of naivety by a non-Mormon reader of the blog ("What!? Do they not teach you about bars in sunday school!? HAHAHAHA! HA! HA! HA!"), I'm not shocked by an outing to a bar. I've been to bars before. But considering I don't drink, if I go to a bar, I usually go to see a band play. ("I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis" - The Most Interesting Man in the World.) Since I can acquire a Dr. Pepper pretty much anywhere, the soda selection at a bar isn't really a hook for me.

Case in point: partying at a bar isn't something I generally spend loads of time doing. However, I did do it last weekend, and I had a great time. (Notice to people concerned about my Mormon-ness: Mormon-ness stable. Dr. Pepper consumption increased. Put all your fears to rest.) In fact, having a Mormon at a bar is pretty convenient, because everyone can drink as much as they want and still catch a ride home.

The second reason I don't usually go to bars, aside from the fact that I don't drink, is I'm not much of a dancer in the terms of "dancing at a bar." I can lay out a pretty mean Merengue, I can do the Cha Cha (thanks Ballroom Dance 1!), but when it comes to grinding my pelvis against someone else or just looking like a cool guy as I bounce to hip-hop music, let's face it, I'm doomed to failure. I don't ever expect to be dancing at a bar and for someone to think, "Cool dance!" or "I hope he brings that pelvis over here." That is why I'm grateful that most people in a bar are drunk or getting drunk. The drunker everyone else is, the harder it is to detect that I can't dance.

They're thinking: "Wow, that guy looked like a total fool a few hours ago, but now he's a dancing maniac!"

I'm thinking: "Drink up!"

Anyway, that is the major topic of discussion today. A few unrelated thoughts:

- If your name is Lulu B. Mcgee, fate has dealt you a bitter hand.

- I've had a major craving for Oreos lately. After basically ignoring Oreos for almost my entire life, I suddenly really want to eat Oreos.

- Now that I live in a studio apartment, I've gained the confidence to sing at the top of my lungs whenever I want, even though I know the walls are super thin.


jaime said...

You're new friends are bad influences on you already Craiggers!?! Taking you to bars and subjecting you to pelvis thrusts from dirty drunk whores! Don't think I won't come out there and smack some sense into you! On the other hand did you get any?? You can't have been at said bar if there wasn't a pretty drunk lady involved.

Ps-I think your neighbors love your beautiful singing, and I'm pretty sure it's gonna get you a few hot dates. So sing away.

Nicole said...

Making fun of drunks is actually one of my favorite past times. I say enjoy!! But don't make it a habit.

Also, I love oreos too!! Don't get too worried though when you go to the bathroom you have blackish dumps. There's nothing wrong with you and there's no need to go to the doctor. I learned that the hard way.

Sure miss you Craig!!

Christina Dalton said...

Very true. I've found that being asked if I'm Mormon is the 1st question people ask when I say I'm from Utah (now living in Missouri).
Just think of all the money you'll save while NOT drinking.
You're such a good writer. Maybe if the law thing doesn't work out you'll have a back up.
I LOVE reading your blog. So funny.

Andrea Jolene said...

I like the part about oreos best.