Monday, August 2, 2010

Tire Trouble and Nazi Flying Saucers

In the last three days I have gotten 3 tire leaks in 3 of my car tires. I had 2 patched, but apparently one is un-patchable. Now I need new tires, and I'm driving around on a spare. Also, today I was told my 1991 Honda Accord's "control arm" is going out, which could cause me to lose control at high speeds. I then drove to work, positive that all four tires were about to explode simultaneously, and then my faulty "control arm" would start my body on fire. I'm living on the edge!

On one hand I think, "At least all these things are happening to my car before I drive to Denver." On the other hand I think,"S@#%!!!! AAAAAAAAH!!!! (Air punching)"

The other day I learned about a really bizarre Nazi religion. It's called Tempelhofgesellschaft, which according to Yahoo translator, means "Tempelhof company." You might be familiar with these other German companies: Microsoftgesellschaft, Kraftgesellschaft, and LA Stylesgesellschaft.

Anyway, here is a description straight from the Wikipedia page about Tempelhofgesellschaft:

They distribute pamphlets claiming that the Aryan race originally came to Atlantis from the star Aldebaran(this information is supposedly based on "ancient Sumerian manuscripts"). They maintain that the Aryans from Aldebaran derive their power from the vril energy of the Black Sun. They teach that since the Aryan race is of extraterrestrial origin (cf. Nordic aliens), it has a divine mission to dominate all the other races. It is believed by adherents of this religion that an enormous space fleet is on its way to Earth from Aldebaran which, when it arrives, will join forces with Nazi flying saucers from Antarctica to establish the Western Imperium.

I have confirmed the accuracy of this Wikipedia entry by 2 other Google searches. Findings: accuracy confirmed. This religion is still practiced today.

Now, I'm not one to mock the religions of others, but it should be a pretty clear indicator that you have made a horrible mistake when an integral part of your core religious beliefs include the sentence, "will join forces with Nazi flying saucers from Antarctica."

For example, here are some other religions, amplified by this super-charged line of religious genius:

- "The earth will be baptized in flame and the righteous will be carried into heaven, where they will join forces with Nazi flying saucers from Antarctica."
- "When you die, you will be born again as a squirrel, or a dog, or possibly a horse. Then you will join forces with Nazi flying saucers from Antarctica."
- "The moment you reach Nirvana is the very moment you will join forces with Nazi flying saucers from Antarctica."
- "Conflict will break out in the valley of Armageddon, and the armies will join forces with Nazi flying saucers from Antarctica."

Another chink in the armor of Tempelhofgesellschaft is that everyone knows Atlantis was actually populated by psychic mermaids.

Editor's Note: I'm leaving town for good on Thursday afternoon. Use this opportunity to give me more attention and affection than usual. If you ever wanted to give me a French kiss, the time is now.


jaime said...

I really hope someone discovers Atlantis someday and finally proves once and for all that Nazi's are not linked to it! Stupid Nazi's!! Plus I think it would be really beneficial for society if everyone knew mermaids were true. Splash deserves to be hailed as one of the best movies of all time.

Ps- I hope you die in a fiery explosion driving to Denver.

jaime said...

Ooop's! I meant don't die. What a funny slip up...maybe that's how I really feel??

Andrea Jolene said...

If only I hadn't eaten my last French mint on Sunday (fast sunday - what's a girl to do?). As everyone knows - you can't hand out french kisses without french mints... there's a religion about it... and you know what that means for Nazi flying saucers from Antarctica? Not a damn thing. Kazow!

Andrea Jolene said...

PS: Jaime has a violent sub-conscious... as we've all suspected.