Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Art of Seduction

This morning I was watching CNN while I ate a bowl of Apple Zingers, because I'm an adult. The good news is nothing terrible happened in the world yesterday or this morning. I could tell, because the news anchors were focusing on the following two stories:

1. A wakeboarding dog.
2. Researchers at the University of Northumberland have discovered which dance moves women find most attractive.

It's times like these that I'm grateful for research universities. These guys have really cut to the root of the problem: What use is curing Cancer if men are incapable of getting out on the dance floor and turning women on?

This is an effective use of science. Well, men who read this blog, I have some instructional videos for you. Women who read this blog, prepare to be totally turned on. The videos will be as follows:

1. The original digital rendering video straight from the University of Northumberland, including a commentary by a man who clearly knows how to seductively move his body.

2. Another digital rendering video featuring music, so you can get a better idea how you should be moving in the real world.

3. A real, live demonstration of the Northumberland Sexy Dance Techniques by me.

Here you are:

1. Original Video:

2. Spicy Video:

3. Craig's Video:

What I've learned is that when it comes to impressing women with your dance moves, you have to go big. The University of Northumberland, the dance capital of the world, would know.


MandiScandal said...

HOLY CRAP CRAIG! You SHOULD thank the University of
Nowevegotdancemovesland for that video because I'm pretty sure I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU after watching this video. You are so stinking hilarious. Why couldn't we have been friends when you lived here?

Don't worry. show this to a few ladies in denver and I'm sure you'll dance card will be filled.

MandiScandal said...

p.s. you have a FIRE EXTINGUISHER in your apartment? Is it to put out those hot moves? Classic.

heidikins said...

I can't handle these videos. The extreme swing of going from totally turned on (GOOD DANCING) to totally repulsed (BAD DANCING) and then back again is wreaking havoc on my Is He Hot Or Not? meter. From now on please only post GOOD DANCING videos.

Thank you,

jaime said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I seriously love you Craiggers. Also, I'm thinking law school must be pretty easy if you have time to perfect dance moves like that. Hot...white hot!

Sara Soda said...

I just laughed really hard watching this.


My friend Mandi linked your post on FB so I had to check it out.
I laughed so hard that I had to read your other blog posts. Also hilarious.
Then I preceded to to forward your blog to my hubs at work... and he forwarded it to some of his coworkers.
Craig... you are now being heavily blog-stalked. Sorry bud.

Seneca said...

O.Mylanta. Brilliance. I too watched this on CNN, because I am all grown up too. I thought THAT was funny, no, no. You are funny. Also, I have that Disco Duck song on my i pod, not sure how it got there but I've never taken it off.

Nicole said...

That. Was. Awesome.

Scott said...

Craig, that was sweet! It reminds me of a study I saw in the news a few years back, I beleive it was a school in Michigan that received a huge governtment grant to do a study...a study of the effects of a dog bite on the human penis! I dont think we need you to do a video demonstrating that one for us though!

Jordan said...

I love having these moves on film. This was so awesome.

Melissa said...

This post is pure genius. Thanks for a rollicking good time.

Whit Roberts said...

hahaha. seriously? that was the funniest thing i've seen in a while. i'm going to share it with the world.

Craig Barlow B. said...

Thank you for the increased response. This has taught me the lesson that people pay more attention to you when you do stupid things on camera. And I CRAVE attention!