This morning I was watching CNN while I ate a bowl of Apple Zingers, because I'm an adult. The good news is nothing terrible happened in the world yesterday or this morning. I could tell, because the news anchors were focusing on the following two stories:
1. A wakeboarding dog.
2. Researchers at the University of Northumberland have discovered which dance moves women find most attractive.
It's times like these that I'm grateful for research universities. These guys have really cut to the root of the problem: What use is curing Cancer if men are incapable of getting out on the dance floor and turning women on?
This is an effective use of science. Well, men who read this blog, I have some instructional videos for you. Women who read this blog, prepare to be totally turned on. The videos will be as follows:
1. The original digital rendering video straight from the University of Northumberland, including a commentary by a man who clearly knows how to seductively move his body.
2. Another digital rendering video featuring music, so you can get a better idea how you should be moving in the real world.
3. A real, live demonstration of the Northumberland Sexy Dance Techniques by me.
Here you are:
1. Original Video:
2. Spicy Video:
3. Craig's Video:
What I've learned is that when it comes to impressing women with your dance moves, you have to go big. The University of Northumberland, the dance capital of the world, would know.