Sunday, October 17, 2010

Rat Urine, Zombies, and Deception

This post is going to cover several unrelated topics. Be an adult.

Today I read a case about a man who drowned in a pool of rat urine. I've tried my best to never drown in a pool of rat urine. So far, so good. There is no easy way to break that news: (read with morose voices)

Friend of the Deceased: What happened?
Lawyer: Well, he was simply swimming in a pool full of rat urine-
Friend of the Deceased: But he couldn't swim!
Lawyer: Yes, he drowned. He drowned in the pool of rat urine.

If you can't swim, the last place you should ever go willingly is a deep pool of rat urine. I can't imagine what this person was thinking, "Well, I'm a weak swimmer, and this is full of rat urine...CANNON BALL!"

Moving on.

It's nearly Halloween, and there is something that needs to be finally addressed publicly. There is a picture of a zombie floating around that looks exactly like me. Here is the picture:



Is that picture not incredibly uncanny? This is the mental conversation I had with myself when I first saw that, "There I am dressed as a zombie. Wait...I never did that...(brain explosion.)" - If you type "zombie" into a Google Image search, that picture is the second result. Incredible. I want to start putting that on my resume as evidence of an acting career.

Speaking of zombies, I'm pretty excited about the upcoming AMC series, "The Walking Dead." I know some people are a bit zombied out after the recent zombie-craze, but I am not. Please note Character Flaw B. At the end of most zombie movies I think, "Oh...it's over then? I was hoping there would be 22 more hours."

I'm hoping The Walking Dead can fill the hole in my heart that Heroes left when it forced me through two years of eye-ball scratching agony and then got itself cancelled. Here is the trailer. If you don't like it, then you have some growing up to do.



I like that the police officer in the trailer wears his police outfit throughout the trailer, even after the zombies show up. I'm hoping he does this because the zombies are wearing all of earth's remaining wardrobe finery. I like that story arc: "A small-town sherriff on a mission to wrestle an appropriate cocktail dress from the fashionable zombie horde."

Moving on.

The other day I had to go back and edit one thing in a post after some people had already commented on it. I really like that function. I like the idea of writing a perfectly nice blog, waiting for comments to come in, and then changing the content of the blog to something horribly offensive. That way I could write something or other, and maybe get this comment:

Candace Cameron says: Haha! I totally agree with you! I do that all the time!

And then I could change the blog post to say:

KILL PUPPIES!

Once Hollywood saw that, Candace Cameron's raging acting career would crumble.

4 comments:

Laura Lee said...

Wow. I thought that picture was you. I wondered what other gig you got as a zombie. Are you sure it isn't you? Are you sure you aren't really a zombie?

Uncanny.

jaime said...

I totally agree with you about zombie shows. I say keep them coming! I will definitely be watching the TV series, and I really hope that guy finds his family...or I'll be T.O.'d!

PS-Craig if you ruin Candice Cameron's acting career her brother Kurt will be forced to bring you to Jesus.

Andrea Jolene said...

Do you know what you've just done to me? Doomed me for weeks to wading through nightmares of candace cameron as a zombie chasing me through a police grave yard where in the end my sophies choice is either live as the living dead or drowned in this pool of rat urine. And the most terrifying part is the non tansitional paragraphic nature of the whole thing. The horror! I hope you're happy... and I hope the rat urine drowning man comes back as a zombie to haunt you. Yep.

Sara Soda said...

I watched that Walking Dead trailer and then had a nightmare about zombies when I went to sleep. I don't know why I keep watching zombie-related stuff. That one Will Smith is in about put me over the edge for the rest of my life.