Sunday, November 21, 2010

Thanksgiving Thankfulness

Tomorrow I'm flying to Utah for Thanksgiving. I thought I was going to be excited about this, but as it turns out I'm actually INSANELY EXCITED. I am really looking forward to it. (For you Salt Lake City residents, I'm sorry to say I'll be in St. George. Looks like you'll have to wait until Christmas to seduce me.)

Since I'll be leaving Denver for a week, I want to ensure the city and the people here don't forget everything they love about Craig:

- His powerful thighs.
- His high cheek bones
- His tendency to engage in fisticuffs.
- He's a patriot and a champion.
- Lifting weights.
- U.S.A.

To help the people of Denver remember me, here is something I recorded on my computer the other day, originally made popular by the Shirelles:

Craig Blake - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

The crowd is fickle.

Anyway, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm going to share a very condensed list of things I'm thankful for. Some of them will be so touching that you will feel totally touched. However, I'm going to severely limit these touching moments. I can't go around touching everyone all the time. What more do you want from me?

1. Tacos Don Rafa: This is a taco stand back home that I learn to appreciate more and more each time I leave Salt Lake City for an extended period of time. It's located on 800 South and State Street, facing east in the Sears parking lot, just in case you ever have a chance to visit. A good carnita taco is rare, just like The Last Unicorn. When I do get back to Salt Lake City, I'm going to get myself a good taco. When I go here, I know I won't have to eat a sweaty meat-cube taco. And that is worth my thanks.

"Look and see her, how she sparkles. It's the last unicorn! I'm aliiiiiiiiive. I'm aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive."
- The Last Unicorn

2. Finishing My Lawerying Process Memo: Today I finished my LP memo, and it made me sort of feel like I'm on a short vacation. Somehow, through my sometimes powerful tendency to procrastinate, I always manage to eventually force myself to finish important things. For the first time in a few months I don't feel like there is something really important that I must do right now. That is an excellent feeling. This way I don't have to spend any time brainstorming reasons why that thing isn't really THAT important.

3. Denver Law School Folk: I have truly met some excellent humans at DU. I wasn't distraught, but I wasn't necessarily ecstatic to get up and move to Colorado. I was happy for the opportunity, but it's always a bummer to leave home. The swell law students I have met have made it worth my while. If you live in Denver, go to law school, and are reading this, I'm probably talking about you specifically. Congratulations! Sure, why wouldn't I be?

4. Home Friends: Likewise, my friends from home are excellent people. The day before I left town, one group of friends got together and had a big dinner for me. Also, they passed around a card and stuffed it with money. One friend even gave me some art she painted. Another group threw me a surprise/not-so-surprise dinner. What grade-A citizens. I may have been the one awarded the Boy Scouts of America Citizenship in the Community merit badge at the age of 13, but you guys are the ones who really deserve it. (In this note I will also include my excellent family because I feel I'm going to exceed my touching limit.)

5. Chairs: Some of you might know that I spent somewhere between 3 and 4 weeks at my new apartment sleeping on a camping cot and sitting on my upside-down garbage can because I didn't have any furniture. I got used to the cot, but sitting on an upturned garbage can is not remotely comfortable. If chairs hadn't been invented, we would probably all be sitting on upside-down garbage cans today, and we'd all be totally pissed about it. Believe me.

6. Kittens: Aren't they adorable?

Monday, November 15, 2010

Craig's Current Interests

My last post marked a historic moment in my blogging career: 40 posts in 2010. That means, up to that point, I had averaged one blog post per week. That is a huge accomplishment. Then I failed to blog for the next two weeks. Now I'm going to have to work extra hard to win back your trust, your hearts, and your lips.

Here are a few things I've been really interested in lately:

1. Campus P.D.

I was really surprised by my interest in Campus P.D., because it's just like watching COPS (something I hate doing) except nothing exciting ever happens.There are no car chases, no foot chases...basically it's just (mostly) terrible college students being written insignificant tickets. Somehow, the complete absence of exciting content is what makes Campus P.D. so much better than COPS for me.

It's like I've discovered a new interest in sitting in a barren room alone (something I usually hate doing) as long as I'm also being punched in the crotch by a giant.

It makes no sense at all, but I find myself watching Campus P.D. all the time. There is something very satisfying about watching horrible, 18-year old college kids getting citations for urinating in public. It makes me want to find a guy urinating in public who I can push into a bush when he is most vulnerable so I can feel a similar satisfaction first-hand.

Speaking of that particular citation, I can't help but think about how this law came to be. The fact that a law exists prohibiting "urinating in public," means that at some point in time, probably several points in time, some important people sat around an official-looking table in an expensive room and said, "We need to do something about people peeing all over the place."

2. Forcing People to Listen to Lou Bega

When I find myself with a captive audience, I like to turn on Mambo Number 5. No one is exactly sure how to react to Mambo Number 5, because they are going through this inner turmoil:

Mind: No! Must...reassert...contr...THE TRUMPET, aaaaAAAAH!
Body: Deploy the shimmy!

3. Turkey Pot Pies

The first year after moving out of my parent's house, I ate beef pot pies pretty much exclusively. A giant, 6-year old clump of beef pot pie is probably still hanging in my intestines, undigested. I gave up pot pies for a few years, but now I'm back, just with a different meat. At this point my diet probably consists of:

Turkey: 3%
Cat Meat: 22%
Batter: 75%
Gravy: 200%
Goop: Tonz

I made this pie graph to help you understand:

4. Sleepover Parties

Technically I've only had one sleepover party recently, but I realized how much I have been missing in the time between now and 9th grade. I went snowboarding this last weekend, and it was excellent. But I had a great time during our sort-of-impromptu sleepover party afterward as well. I don't understand why this isn't a more constant part of my life:

One Thing I'm Not Interested In:

On the snowboarding trip this last weekend, my friends and I dropped in on a Mexican restaurant with a sign promising us, "Real Mexican Food." I love real carnita tacos more than anything, but I feel like it's a huge risk to order them pretty much anywhere. I took my chances, and was rewarded by a horrible Suck Taco. ("Suck Taco" coined by Kirstin.) Instead of carnitas, it turned out to be some sort of meat cube suck taco I had to suffer through. There is a reason most restaurants don't advertise "Sweaty Meat Cubes" on their menu.

Anyway, in the end I accidentally left my take-home box at the restaurant. But I'm pretty sure it wasn't so much accidental as it was my subconscious protecting my mouth from further assault.