Saturday, December 4, 2010

Craig Blake: Human Butterfly Inside and Out

Three days ago I got home to my apartment at 11:00 p.m. to find the following notice taped on my door:

ATTENTION RESIDENTS:

Tomorrow, Thursday December 2nd, the concrete will be poured on the walkways outside your apartments. Between 8:30 and 5:00pm you WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GO INTO OR EXIT YOUR APARTMENT. I apologize for the short notice and appreciate your understanding.

Since I hadn't really made plans for this beforehand, and I knew there was absolutely zero chance of me escaping my apartment before 8:30 a.m., I pretty much condemned myself to a day trapped inside my apartment. For about two hours the next day there was a man outside my door in the act of troweling cement. I know, because I stood silently against my door and peered at him through the peep hole for a moment. This should teach you two lessons:

1. Be careful what you do, because you never know when someone might be watching.
2. Craig is probably watching you.

However, the main point of this is that when I finally emerged from my apartment after my 8 and 1/2 hours of house-arrest (Like a butterfly springs from a cocoon. I don't have video of me finally leaving my apartment, but here is a video that will help you understand the difficult yet liberating process I experienced), the cement outside my door was the same stained, cracked cement that was there before. I can give no explanation for what happened to me on Thursday. I feel like somehow I have been tricked. That man wasn't troweling after all. I cannot imagine what he was actually doing. Somehow my apartment manager has fooled me into remaining trapped inside my apartment for an entire day, and I don't understand why. First the constant jackhammering, now this. But in exchange they did give me a $10 gift card to Jordan's, a local pub. The 3/4 of a sandwich I can purchase with this valuable gift card will make it all worth it.

I also enjoy this line from the letter: "I apologize for the short notice and appreciate your understanding." Extending this kind of credit was probably a mistake, because I did not understand. I spent the entire day thinking, "What is going on!? I don't understand!" They presumed a little too much about my capacity to understand. I'm going to start taping these type of notices to the manager's office door:

Dear Managerial Staff,

I've started my apartment ablaze. I apologize for the short notice and appreciate your understanding.

OR

Dear Managerial Staff,

I have coated this paper in a venereal disease. I apologize for the short notice and appreciate your undersanding.


Anyway, I did survive, so it turns out everything is going to be okay. As I told a friend earlier, during the ordeal there was a moment when I was lying on the cold tile, shivering, naked, and starving, and I didn't think I was going to make it. Then I remembered I could go sit on the couch and turn on the heater. Then I remembered I also have tons of food and clothes. Suddenly survival didn't look so out of reach.


Change of topic - Very shortly: Today I was talking to some friends about Christmas. I love Christmas, and the more I talked about it the more excited I became. Although my finals schedule has kind of prevented me from getting in 100 percent Christmas spirit, a few friends of mine watched a Christmas movie last night at our friend Will's house. It was an excellent time, and my Christmas excitement has increased. Meanwhile, here is a Christmas song I recorded (without a proper microphone, so enjoy the static) two years ago and distributed to my friends and family. Please keep in mind no one but Craig was involved in the recording of this holiday gem.

Craig Blake - Baby It's Cold Outside

3 comments:

jaime said...

The butterfly video grossed me out. Now I hate butterflies..thanks Craig! Also, I just wanted you to know that I too love Christmas...probably more than you. Another also, I appreciate your musical abilities to be both the male and female part in this song. Good work buddy!

Andrea Jolene said...

I'd like you to know that this Craig Christmas original was discussed not two days ago on a group date involving Bekah, myself, Calvin, Chad, Angela, and another guy whose name started with an L. It was mentioned by name and I remember thinking to myself, "I wish I had heard this song and could join more fully in the rare Craig reminiscence (hereafter: Craigiscence) moment." I believe you've heard my thoughts and answered my Christmas wish. I thank you sir, and appreciate your understanding.

Cindy said...

I might have laughed out loud all the way through this blog post. You've won this round, Craig. Tip of the hat to you.