Friday, December 31, 2010

A Salute to 2010

2010 has finally come to a close. This year I made many large decisions, such as moving to a new state, beginning law school at the University of Denver, and buying a see-through shower curtain. However, some things stayed exactly the same. With no difficulty at all I remained true to my conviction to drink whole milk, and considering I have had nearly the same haircut since 2003, I can't imagine why 2011 would be any different from any other year since then. However, my bones are stronger than they've ever been, and last week a girl who does eyelashes told me I have beautiful, thick eyelashes. That is why, in 2011, I'm going to bat my eyelashes more, and I'm going to find some use for my whole milk-fortified, powerful bones; such as ultimate fighting. And in 2011, when people ask me if I'm a lover or a figher I will bat my beautiful eyelashes and say, "I am a lover, and I am also a fighter. I'm an ultimate fighter."

Before I launch into some of my bests and worsts of 2010, I finished a song today. Remember, when I share a song I expect only praise. Tons of praise. Since it is the last one I finished in 2010, here it is:

Craig Blake - Not Like the Movies

Best Movie: This is a very, very difficult decision. I don't think I'm going to be able to pick between True Grit and Inception, but both of them were great movies. If the world of Inception actually existed, I would spend all my time filling my dreams with safes. Every night I would dream of at least 1 million safes. Then no one would be able to figure out which safe had my secrets in.

Anyway, I thought both of those movies were spectacular, but I also feel like I ought to mention Amelie. Amelie didn't come out this last year, but I did watch it for the first time in January of 2010, and I love it. Also, considering the fact that it came out in 2001, it has all the required numbers. It's a French movie. It's a good time.

Another honorable mention goes to Best Worst Movie, which is a documentary about Troll 2. I saw it at a live screening with the director and some of the original actors from Troll 2 and it was probably my giddiest moment of 2010.

Worst Movie: Defendor. This movie is miserable. The only good part of this movie was watching Woody Harrelson throw babyfood jars of angry bees at people. I wish that the entire movie was just Woody Harrelson throwing jars of angry bees at people.

An honorable mention goes to Zardoz. 1970's Sean Connery in the future wearing a red ensemble composed of a diaper, knee-high hooker boots, suspenders and a flowing pony tail. How could this have possibly gone wrong?

Favorite Band:I went through tons of music this year thanks to my employment at While I was hard at work getting people to look at our selection of armoires I would shuffle through loads of music, and so this is a tough decision. However, I think I might have to go with the Detroit Cobras this year. There is literally not a single song they have ever produced that I don't like to listen to, and that is an achievement.

Best Modern Songs: This section might be up to some debate, but I'm going to attempt an honest ranking system. However, I don't think you should feel too limited by this. This may or may not reflect what I actually think.

First Place: The Detroit Cobras - The Real Thing - I still cannot get enough of this song. Listening to it for an extended period of time will turn me into a sweaty clapping mess.

Second Place: Super-Furry Animals - Run Away - When I first heard this song I listened to it on repeat for literally about 1 and 1/2 hours. I couldn't stop listening to it. The next time I listen to this song that many times I will probably be sobbing and wearing nothing but a long nightshirt.

Third Place: Mark Sultan - Go Berzerk - I think Mark Sultan deserves your respect.

Honorable mentions in this category will also be awarded to:
The Magnetic Fields - Long-Forgotten Fairytale - I do a pretty exciting dance in the shower to this song.
The Detroit Cobras - Out of This World - These gals do it again.
The Films - Holiday - Fun time.
Johnny Flynn - Tickle Me Pink - This is a more recent addition, but I've had a great time with this song for the past two weeks. This is a silent plea for someone to tickle me. Go on.
LCD Soundsystem - Dance Yrself Clean - There are so few listenable 9 minute songs in the world. Why not give this one a try?

Best Old Songs:

First Place: The Beatles - Honeypie - I have whistled this tune nearly non-stop for 3 months. Everyone loved it.

Second Place: The Undertones - Get Over You - I feel like this band deserves a lot more of my attention than it sometimes gets. Today, publically, they are getting it.

Third Place: Bay City Rollers - I Only Want to be With You - This is another song that will throw me into a toe-tapping, delirious fit.

Honorable mentions in this category will also be awarded to:
Edison Lighthouse - Love Grows Where my Rosemary Goes - They nearly made the cut thanks to how often I sang this song during finals weeks directly into the ears and face of Kirstin D.
Eddie Cochran - C'mon Everybody - This song is a great time, and I think Eddie Cochran deserves a lot more attention from people who like Elvis. People who like Elvis haven't given him enough attention, so I have to give him attention.
Timi Yuro - If I Never Get to Love You - Timi Yuro has an attitude. Timi Yuro goes buckwild.
Diane Renay - Watch Out Sally - I think this gal was really ahead of her time. She also has another fantastic song called Kiss Me, Sailor. I'd be very happy to own this CD, "Navy Blue" but it is apparently very rare, like The Last Unicorn.

Best Worst Songs:

First and Only Place: Lou Bega - Mambo No. 5 - Without Mambo No. 5, law school could have easily been a gray, joyless, spirit-sucking endeavor. Thanks to Mambo No. 5, law school has been a bucket of laughs!

Best Restaurant: This year I was forced to eat my fairshare of sweaty, taco, meat cubes. I have been completely unable to find a decent taco in Colorado. Every time a slippery, wet, sweaty meat cube hoodwinks its way into my stomach, I wish I was at the Taco Stand on 800 S. and State St. downtown Salt Lake City: Tacos Don Rafa. This year they were once again open for Christmas Day at 10:30 p.m. For their dedication, quality, price, and willingness not to serve up cubed, sweaty, snotmeat, I award upon them my favorite restaurant of 2010. It is fantastic to finally eat a good taco.

Worst Restaurant: This is a two-pring award -

1. Crappy Taco Place in Breckenridge, Colorado - They advertise "Real Mexican Food" on their sign. But I'm pretty sure that the people of Mexico aren't accustomed to eating their sweaty, suck tacos. Thanks for nothing crappy taco place in Breckenridge, Colorado. A person could truly serve me ground kitten meat with some seasoning and it would blow this cubed, sweaty, wet meat out of the water.

2. Crappy Mexican Food Place Somewhere in Colorado - I may not remember where you are Crappy Mexican Food Place Somewhere in Colorado, but my back will become crippled several years prematuraly thanks to your chairs. Bad chairs? Bad form. Bad form Crappy Mexican Food Place. Secretly charging for the generally complimentary chips and salsa appetizers? Bad show. Bad show Crappy Mexican Food Place.

Best TV Show: The Walking Dead - I didn't watch an awful lot of television this year, and The Walking Dead did it's very best to fill the gaping hole in my heart that Heroes left. It didn't quite fill the entire thing, but I look forward to what it can do for me in 2011.

And of course, The OC wins the true first place award. I never, ever get tired of watching The OC. When was the last time Anna Stern turned your heart into liquid by moving back to Pittsburgh? Too long:

Worst TV Show: I didn't really watch any bad television I didn't like this year, but I did watch a ton of Campus P.D. and Ninja Warrior. At least one of the two is really crappy television that I do enjoy watching.

Best Vacation: I really enjoyed going to Moab with some friends this last summer. I had an absolutely excellent time. My favorite moment was playing fairly embarrassing pool games while some girls watched us from the hot tub.

I've had enough. Happy New Year.

In closing, here is another song I finished recently that seems fitting because it says "It's Over" several times.

Craig Blake - Told You So


Melissa said...

This is the first blog post I read in the new year Craig.

Thanks for reminding me about those wonderful pool games in Moab.

Thanks for giving me some great new music to listen to.

Thanks for being such a delightful individual.

Nasher said...

Wow, this is a monster post. Well done.

melissa-brad said...

all i can say is, i'm pissed i don't ready this minutely.
your blog is an absolute delight and your songs had in me awe craig. literally. i didn't know you were booming with such talent. please never stop, i'll have nothing to look forward to. one of my goals for 2011 is to be an avid reader of your blog.

Andrea Jolene said...

That's how Sean Connery looks in my dreams. I wonder how they got that from my dream-safe to the Internet to your blog. Inception has given me pause to consider upgrading my dream-alarm.

Next, Amelie is one of my favorite movies of all time. ALL TIME! That includes all movies past, present, and future. ALL time. Welcome aboard!