Thursday, January 27, 2011

I'm Immune to Low LOST Expectations


Despite the fact that I'm supposed to be very busy with school, I spent roughly five hours watching LOST today. I'm about six episodes into the second season, and about six years behind everyone in the world. However, if anyone ruins anything for me, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I have been carefully avoiding LOST discussions for more than half a decade just in case I ever decided to watch LOST. This is a very difficult thing to do. People love talking about LOST. Between 2004 and 2010, people wanted to talk about LOST all the time. Just imagine how difficult 2004 to 2010 was for me.

Also, before someone says, "You'll love the first season, but then it goes crazy!" I don't think many people understand the brand loyalty I am capable of. For example, I loved Heroes. Heroes got very, very bad. But I never missed a single episode of Heroes. I loved The OC. Season Four of The OC is pretty unbearable, and I not only watched every episode of Season Four, I bought Season Four. It is people like me that allow bad TV shows to get just enough ratings to continue torturing people like me. I once wrote Santitas a hand-written letter telling them I liked their white corn tortilla chips. Two years later, I called them to let them know I still like their white corn tortilla chips. I care about Santitas.

However, I'm optimistic that LOST isn't going to do disappoint me like The OC or Heroes. Although some people seem to think that it got out of control, those people probably don't understand what I'm willing to tolerate and enjoy. Here are some bad things I have enjoyed in the past:


1. Alien v. Predator - This is one of the worst movies I've ever enjoyed. There are at least a dozen scenes in this movie where I thought the heroine and the Predator were about to share a sweet, soft French Kiss. There is eventually a scene where the Predator gives the woman an alien head to use as a shield, which as we all know means "I French Kiss You" on the Predator's home planet, so we still got what we wanted.


2. Hell Boy 2 - This movie has some of the worst dialogue and characters I've ever heard or seen. Whoever played that fish man should never be able to remove his costume as punishment for his terrible delivery. Cursed to walk the earth a hideous, bumbling fish man. If I was a wizard, that is the curse I would use the most: "I curse you, to walk the earth forever as a hideous, bumbling fish man!"


3. Yu-Gi-Oh! - When I was in high school I would get home from track practice, sit down on the couch, and turn on the TV at the exact moment that Yu-Gi-Oh! started. Yu-Gi-Oh! was a cartoon about a small fellow, who is somehow possessed by an Egyptian that looks exactly like him, except he is taller, speaks about three octaves lower, and is excellent at a card game. He goes around winning this card game. At the time I thought it was Pokemon for big kids. Now I realize it was actually Pokemon for the exact same demographic as Pokemon.

And finally, I'm going to go so far as to say that I don't think LOST will get bad. So far, six episodes into Season Two, I'm having an excellent time. Also, I feel like many peoples' main complaint is that it got too "science-fictiony." That will absolutely not stop me. If I turn on the next episode tomorrow and the cast find a stash of laser guns and Unicorns inside a spaceship from Krypton, that will only make me more excited about LOST: "First Polar Bears...and now a Kryptonian laser gun/Unicorn stash...the plot thickens!" You are talking to the guy who read the Tolkien Dictionary entry by entry in 7th grade (and has since done tons of really cool things, like wear sunglasses.) There is almost nothing science-fictiony that I can't digest.

Fairly often, when I tell someone I'm watching LOST, they try to persuade me to lower my expectations. I'm not going to do it, and you can't make me.

Final Note: I love Oregon Trail. I can prove it; just review my Oregon Trail Travel Journal. If you've ever played Oregon Trail, I think you should like this video my friend Will brought to my attention:


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Back to School and Resolutions

Today was my second day back at school, and each class felt like it was 127 hours long, minus the one where we discussed cannibalism exclusively. Sometimes I think people take for granted the opportunity to sever a limb to escape a boring place, namely Foxes. Foxes have no appreciation for their ability to gnaw off their own paws, which routinely rescues them from sitting around totally bored somewhere.

If I thought I could have been excused early, there was a one hour-stretch today where I might have gnawed off every single one of my limbs. It wasn't a class, it was a meeting with free, crappy pizza. I sat all the way through it, but I would have sooner gnawed off all my appendages and rolled into the hallway. But knowing this guy, he probably still would have left me in my seat, bleeding from my gnaw wounds while he talked at me...very...very...slowly...and then paused...and then paused more...and then took a sip of water...and then talked at me...very...very...slowly. Ultimately I didn't take this course of action, and I still have all my limbs today.

Anyway, I am now back in school, which means I'm going to have to re-teach myself how I'm supposed to go about my life when I'm not sleeping in until 10:30 am to 2:30 pm every day. I had a really excellent break, and I spent a good deal of it lying on the Queen Bed in my parent's guest room. A bed fit for a queen.

Meanwhile, I set some New Year's Resolutions for myself. Only one of these were actually premeditated before New Year's Eve, but I've still constructed a short list. Here you are:




1. Go to More Shows (Music) - One of the things people would tell me when I moved to Denver is that it has an excellent music scene. It's true, it does, and I have wasted it for months. This year I'm going to make a noble effort to see more shows, and to be more informed on who exactly is coming through Denver. And I'm going to do all these things without so much as a pair of really tight pants.

2. French Kiss Tunz - I'm going to French Kiss like wild. Not that this has ever been a problem in my life, but if you're a girl, I'm probably going to French Kiss you right on the face all the time. I like your chances.

3. Be an Astronaut - Since I'm bound to fail on at least one New Year's Resolution, I've resolved to be an Astronaut this year. Basically, I'm going to spend some time travelling in space with NASA. There is a huge demand for Astronauts these days, and NASA needs my skills in outer space--skills like navigating an inflatable obstacle course.

4. Update This Blog - I want everyone to know I resolved to post on this blog once a week last year. I'm happy to say I fell short of that goal by only two posts. That is absolutely incredible. I'm an absolutely incredible person for getting this close. Just imagine how much more incredible I could be this year. Unfortunately, I'm in law school this year, basically the entire time, so I hope it doesn't affect the blogging too much.

Editor's Note: The picture above about eating more healthy isn't really true. I'm currently planning on eating way more pot pies than I ate in 2010, but we'll see how it pans out for me.