Thursday, January 27, 2011

I'm Immune to Low LOST Expectations

Despite the fact that I'm supposed to be very busy with school, I spent roughly five hours watching LOST today. I'm about six episodes into the second season, and about six years behind everyone in the world. However, if anyone ruins anything for me, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I have been carefully avoiding LOST discussions for more than half a decade just in case I ever decided to watch LOST. This is a very difficult thing to do. People love talking about LOST. Between 2004 and 2010, people wanted to talk about LOST all the time. Just imagine how difficult 2004 to 2010 was for me.

Also, before someone says, "You'll love the first season, but then it goes crazy!" I don't think many people understand the brand loyalty I am capable of. For example, I loved Heroes. Heroes got very, very bad. But I never missed a single episode of Heroes. I loved The OC. Season Four of The OC is pretty unbearable, and I not only watched every episode of Season Four, I bought Season Four. It is people like me that allow bad TV shows to get just enough ratings to continue torturing people like me. I once wrote Santitas a hand-written letter telling them I liked their white corn tortilla chips. Two years later, I called them to let them know I still like their white corn tortilla chips. I care about Santitas.

However, I'm optimistic that LOST isn't going to do disappoint me like The OC or Heroes. Although some people seem to think that it got out of control, those people probably don't understand what I'm willing to tolerate and enjoy. Here are some bad things I have enjoyed in the past:

1. Alien v. Predator - This is one of the worst movies I've ever enjoyed. There are at least a dozen scenes in this movie where I thought the heroine and the Predator were about to share a sweet, soft French Kiss. There is eventually a scene where the Predator gives the woman an alien head to use as a shield, which as we all know means "I French Kiss You" on the Predator's home planet, so we still got what we wanted.

2. Hell Boy 2 - This movie has some of the worst dialogue and characters I've ever heard or seen. Whoever played that fish man should never be able to remove his costume as punishment for his terrible delivery. Cursed to walk the earth a hideous, bumbling fish man. If I was a wizard, that is the curse I would use the most: "I curse you, to walk the earth forever as a hideous, bumbling fish man!"

3. Yu-Gi-Oh! - When I was in high school I would get home from track practice, sit down on the couch, and turn on the TV at the exact moment that Yu-Gi-Oh! started. Yu-Gi-Oh! was a cartoon about a small fellow, who is somehow possessed by an Egyptian that looks exactly like him, except he is taller, speaks about three octaves lower, and is excellent at a card game. He goes around winning this card game. At the time I thought it was Pokemon for big kids. Now I realize it was actually Pokemon for the exact same demographic as Pokemon.

And finally, I'm going to go so far as to say that I don't think LOST will get bad. So far, six episodes into Season Two, I'm having an excellent time. Also, I feel like many peoples' main complaint is that it got too "science-fictiony." That will absolutely not stop me. If I turn on the next episode tomorrow and the cast find a stash of laser guns and Unicorns inside a spaceship from Krypton, that will only make me more excited about LOST: "First Polar Bears...and now a Kryptonian laser gun/Unicorn stash...the plot thickens!" You are talking to the guy who read the Tolkien Dictionary entry by entry in 7th grade (and has since done tons of really cool things, like wear sunglasses.) There is almost nothing science-fictiony that I can't digest.

Fairly often, when I tell someone I'm watching LOST, they try to persuade me to lower my expectations. I'm not going to do it, and you can't make me.

Final Note: I love Oregon Trail. I can prove it; just review my Oregon Trail Travel Journal. If you've ever played Oregon Trail, I think you should like this video my friend Will brought to my attention:


Christina Dalton said...

Ha ha... I haven't seen a single episode of Lost either. Like you, if I start watching something, I'm committed to the very end and I'm afraid to add another series to my list. I still have a few season of other shows I'm working on first. Let me know if it tanks or you like it.

jaime said...

Please say the Organ Trail is a real film that was made?!? It. Looks. Awesome!!

Also, good luck with your Lost loyalty. I have no such qualms about being loyal. Here are some examples of my non-committal TV watching:

Lost- 1 season
Heroes- 1 season
Smallville- 2 seasons
Office- 4 seasons
OC- 1/2 a season
Golden Girls- some of every season
Arrested Development- All seasons!
Spaced- 1 season
Americas Next Top Model- last half of sporadic episodes every season.
Flight of the Conchords- Both seasons!

2 out 10 is not bad! Plus, I feel like I've seen the best all these shows have to offer and I'm OK that I may never finish them all.

jaime said...

I just realized I spelled Oregon wrong...don't judge me.

Andrea Jolene said...

First - Jaime, you spelled Oregon wrong and I judge you.

Second - I'm a sucker loyalist as well... and LOST suckered my loyalty to the bitter end. And BOY what an END! So.. watch.. learn... eat... pray... love... and then we will discuss.

Third - because of my sucker loyalist ways - I also refuse to start something that may be horrible to finish. Because finish I MUST! No matter how terrible the book series is (cough, Twighlit) or how painfully droll the show gets (cough, The Event) I continue to push through until there's nothing left to push through. You can't buy loyalists like that; not even in the USofA.

Nasher said...

I loved Yu-Gi-Oh! as well.

Chelsea Michelle said...

Oh Craig, you are far too good for your own good. You are hilarious. Also, I am half way through season one, so I am with you on this! I think I am gonna like it too. Hang in there! hahaha

Anonymous said...

This...this just sickens me. Did my constant LOST hate for over a year straight do nothing to deter you from this path? Apparently I did not try hard enough, and for that I apologize. I apologize for the inevitable soul-crushing self-loathing that LOST will create in your heart.
Love, your cousin, Philonious T-bone Walker