Saturday, March 26, 2011

A Survey + An Update

I haven't blogged for a month. There's only one way to come back from that kind of absence: filling out an Internet survey usually patronized by tweenage girls. But before I begin, I think maybe some of you forgot what Craig stands for during my leave. Craig stands for:

Being a champion
Stopping a disease
Doing push-ups
Winning games
Being a winner
Doing well in challenges
Watching Survivor

May you never forget what I'm all about. And to that end, here is a survey about me:

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say? - So I have a uterus?

2. Do you trust all of your friends? - Of course I do! So long as they don't double-cross me! I'm constantly vigilant, because I'm positive my friends will double-cross me!

3. Have two guys ever fought over you? - I always feel like I'm the prettiest girl at the dance.

4. Have you ever done yourself VERY pretty with so much makeup and a whole different outfit to make a guy like you? - I feel like you're gazing directly into my soul!

5. Can you make a dollar in change right now? I can do pretty much anything I put my mind to. I just have to follow my heart and reach for me dreams.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor? - Probably Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love? - No, I'm a grown man.

8. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? - Probably Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

9. Whats your most favorite scar? - It's a scar on my shin located on my most favorite leg, where I fell on my most favorite bike and my shin was stabbed by my handlebrake.

10. When was the last time you flew in a plane? - I travel exclusively by ultralight. I like to feel the wind in my hair, and in my face.

Here's an example of flying an ultralight by a man who has designs on the governorship of Utah:

11. What did the last text message you sent say? - "Swell. Sounds good. Keep me posted if you need help." - I'm Hell on wheels!

12. Fill in the blank. I love: Tacos

13. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future? - Mostly just to be the winner of the Olympics.

14. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call? - Mel Gibson: "Is my fiance still alive!?"

15. How many kids do you want to have? - I'll need at least 8 to be on TV.

16. Would you make a good parent? - I'd be the best dad ever. I'm a man.

17. Whats your middle name? - Barlow. Just one of the things I share with polygamists all over the country. - In other news, I truly am pretty fond of my midle name.

18. Would you move to another state or country to be with the person you love? - Is she Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman?

19. Honestly, whats on your mind right now? - Karaoke. I'd like to do some karaoke sometime soon.

20. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be? - I'd go back in time and help my dad beat up a bully. That way I'd own a cool truck in the future.

21. What are you wearing right now? - Just a silly old leopard-print, french-cut thong.

22. Ever had a bar fight? Of course I have. I'm a real man. Sometimes I'm doing sit-ups, and sometimes I'm fighting in bars. That's what men do.

23. Who knows you're the best? - This survey is making great strides in improving my self-esteem.

24. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? - I wear glasses. I wore contacts once, but they were giant, hard lenses. They made my eyes feel like burning death.

25. When is the last time you had a massage? - Not since I moved to Denver, and I've never had a real massage by a real therapist. However, I do often encourage people to give me a scalp massage. Example:

Craig: Hey, want to rub my head?
Man on Bus: Not really.

26. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say? - "But we've only known each other for...wait a minute!"

And that concludes the survey portion of this blog. In other news, I'll give you a quick recap on what I've been up to for a month:

1. I played Dragon Age and beat it yesterday. When I tell people I recently beat a game called "Dragon Age" it makes me feel very cool and attractive.
2. I got a haircut. The lady cut it a bit to close to my ears and it made me feel a little bit like I looked like a young, 13th century friar. On the other hand I have gotten a few nice compliments on my new shorter style, which could very easily be 100% motivated by sympathy.
3. I went to Barristers Ball. I literally danced myself sick, and there were moments I had to leave the dance floor, sit down, and begin deep-breathing to prevent producing an embarrassing mess. I also danced so hard that my pants ripped at the end of the night and I had to leave 20 minutes early. I had a really excellent time.
4. I celebrated my first real St. Patrick's Day. Once again, there was dancing. I danced very furiously. There was tons of kicking involved. I discovered that I react pretty energetically to Irish music.
5. I applied for some internships in Denver. The word is still out on whether or not I got them. Let's all feel good feelings. Feel what you have to feel.

And that's it basically. My diet has deteriorated to purely pot pies, Totinos pizzas, cold cereal, and Fruit Rollups. Feel free to give me suggestions. In closing, here is a picture of Barristers Ball: