Sunday, June 12, 2011

My Love/Hate Relationship With Business Casual

I don't have to wear a tie to work. That is excellent news, because I've recently come to grips with how much I hate wearing ties.

I have tons of ties. I just did a quick tie talley, and I currently own 45 ties. This is less than half of the ties I once owned, before I donated half (the uncouth half) to a consignment store. There are somewhere between 50 and 60 men wandering around wearing uncouth ties, and it's my fault!

I do like the ties I own, but I try my best to avoid wearing them. That's why I should be glad that the law firm I'm interning at has a "business casual" dress code. But I also sort of hate business casual clothing. Why can't we all go to work the way we were meant to work? Totally nude, and covered in goo! I was born that way, and that's the way I'll work full-time at a law firm! And yes, that's the way I plan to die: totally nude, and covered in goo.

Craig on His Deathbed: ...and that's how I French Kissed whomever I pleased. Now Craig Jr., fetch the nurse, and hand me that jar of goo.

The problem with business casual clothing is that I've never made it a huge priority to own any. I'm usually wearing business uptight clothes, totally casual clothes, or totally nude and covered in goo. (That joke sure hasn't overstayed it's welcome.) So when I look myself in the mirror after robing myself in business casual attire I often think, "frumpy," in contrast to "sharp," "hip," and "sort of gross" respectively. My business casual clothes pretty much consist of whatever clothes I've acquired whenever my parents hold up a bunch of striped button-up shirts that I've never seen before and ask, "Are these yours?"

But all this has CHANGED! Yesterday I bought myself two dazzling pairs of pants, and two dazzling shirts that are going to revolutionize the way I think about business casual clothes. I also finally bought myself brown shoes and a brown belt. Now I can look hip at work. Maybe even as hip as this lady:



IMAGINE THAT!

Finally, I just image-Google searched: "MAN HOLDING CASH" and this is the first result -



Then I typed in: "HELL YEAH!" This is the first result -

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Killing Time at Gate 42C

There is something about showering very early in the morning that makes me feel like I'm about to be violently murdered. Especially when I am washing my hair and there is soap dripping down my face so I don't want to open my eyes. This is the opportune moment for any murderers who have remained concealed in my tiny bathroom to strike. I don't usually feel like I'm about to fall victim to showercide, but very early-morning showers are terrifying.

This morning, for example. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. to make my way to the Denver Airport. I'm going home for the weekend for two weddings. I'm actually in the airport at this very moment, although I'm unsure if I'll finish much of anything before I have to board the plane. I have ten minutes to write something pretty exciting.

I actually really enjoy going to weddings. Plus, the fact that I'll be going to two weddings during a quick home visit makes it very efficient. I can't think of a better way to see more people from home in such a short period of time. However, talking to others about weddings has made me realize that my wedding experiences are pretty different from the way the world attends weddings. At my friend Lloyd's wedding, a very nosy photographer insisted that us groomsmen were expected to dance, party, and woo the bridesmaids. My wedding experiences usually consist of eating tiny turkey sandwiches. If it weren't for weddings, I would eat 33 percent fewer tiny turkey sandwiches.

Anyway, I had planned to sit down here in the terminal and play Pokemon Fire/Red on my computer. My current pokemon team consists of: Charmeleon, Clefairy, Pikachu, Pigeoto, Mankey, and Butterfree. Soon enough I'll be a Pokemon Champion, and my peers will finally respect me.

Speaking of peers, I started my internship on Tuesday. I'm having a swell time. Also, I finished my first year of law school. I'd have to say the best part about going to law school was when I watched Battlestar Galactica at the end of the semester. Battlestar Galactica is awesome, honestly.