Monday, September 26, 2011

A Series of Unrelated Thoughts

Do people honestly listen to Sting anymore? I saw a Facebook ad for Sting today. It made me wonder who in the Sting-marketing department thought, "This thumbnail photo of Sting might be an effective marketing tool for Generation X." Worse, it made me wonder which of my online activities made Facebook think that I am part of the Sting target market. "Craig liked The Three Musketeers in 1993. Sell him Sting until his eyes bleed." I feel like, at this point in time, if you haven't committed to listening to Sting, it's too late to start. I don't think too many 25 year-olds in 2011 think, "You know, it's about time I gave Sting a whirl."

Do you know how expensive Doritos are? I was recently shocked to find out that a bag of Doritos costs nearly $4. The average cost for a gallon of gas is $3.50. A gallon of Doritos is far beyond that. My advice: invest in Doritos. Not the company, I mean actually purchase a bag of Doritos and hide it under a floorboard in your house. In 20 years, you can turn that Doritos bag in for two Doritos bags. It's simple economics. By then we may be on the Doritos Standard anyway.

I am currently interning at the state Public Defender's office in Denver. One of my favorite television characters, Sandy Cohen (The OC), was a public defender. But my memory of that show depicts him practicing law whenever he chose to, and spending the rest of his time surfing or liesurely dealing with his wife's alcoholism. Alas, that isn't the case. I don't even have a wife.

I love watching Ancient Aliens. My favorite thing about Ancient Aliens is that they repeatedly interview the most credible-looking guy ever:

People see this man in interviews and they think, "reliable man of science." I will summarize some actual points this man has made: "That old statue looks like aliens." - "How do we know potholes weren't left by a giant alien car?" - "Egyptian Gods are dingo-headed aliens." - "That rock formation looks like an alien portal into another dimension..and consequently, that's exactly what it is." - "That ancient Pharoah had a funny head, because his father was an alien." - "Chinese dragons were alien spaceships." - "History is important...aliens."

Anyway, I'm going to make a noble effort to blog more often. I apologize for my recent blog-keeping failures.


Melissa said...

I'm always glad to see you've posted. Thanks for another great read, Craig. Hope all's well in Denver.

Nasher said...

Hooray! The king of the Non-Sequitor is back. The ancient aliens guy is the only reason I actually will bother to watch that show. I swear his hair gets wilder and his spray on tan gets darker each time I see him.

Scott said...

My favorite quote by that guy, and this is exact, I loved it so much I had to write it down, here he is speaking of the pyramids in Egypt, "Either God did it, which we don't think happened (followed by a wiry smirk), or a highly advanced technological species from another planet came and did it and then took their tools and went home." Pure genius!!

Anonymous said...

I don't think there will ever be a time in my life where I've had too much craig blake. you should post more.

Autumn Drops said...

Doritos. Craig. I am going to re-blog you. You're fantastic!

Andrea Jolene said...

We all know if he looked like David Duchovney we'd find his alien theories somewhat plausible. Mull over that one.

PS: Three cheers for Craig posting something! Go on! Cheer! Three of them!

Jaime Van Hoose Steele said...

Dude totally looks legit! I agree that Aliens are the answer to everything!
Crop circles? Aliens. Stonehenge? Aliens. Thunder storm? Alien spaceship in hiding. Cheesecake? Aliens (nothing that good came from earth). Sherlock Holmes? Alien in disguise.
It makes sense people!! Just think about it!