Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Papa's in the House

Last night I watched the Republican debate televised from Las Vegas. I think debates are pretty interesting, so I've watched all of them. I will not betray the trust the Boy Scouts of America vested in me when I was awarded the Citizenship in the Nation merit badge. This is also why I remain committed to sharing Indian Lore with strangers. My grasp of Indian Lore peaks somewhere around: "American Indians glue beads to turkey feathers."

As I watched the debate, I decided we should just let Herman Cain be president and make a blanket decision that all American presidents must also be pizza executives. Imagine the mileage we could get out of this guy:

A friend of mine recently pointed out that Papa John never blinks in commercials. And the two qualities I value most in presidential candidates are (1) pizza experience, and (2) lidless eyes.

Plus, this Papa John's commercial could easily be aired as a campaign video at little to no cost:

Substitute "Papa's in the house" with "Papa's in the White House" and this is exactly what an American public that craves pizza-related experience wants in a candidate.

I am dying for the day when the most important qualification for president isn't whether or not you've worked in the private sector, been a governor, opposed the incumbent president, or maintained an admirable voting record, but whether or not you've ever worked in pizza.

I dream of a day when this is a common concern for candidates: "What do you say to allegations that you don't own a pizza company?"


Jacob said...

You know, I bet you if Herman Cain threw this video just as it is on his campaign website, he'd soar to the top of the polls.

Elizabeth said...

Lidless eyes? Craig, the dark lord Sarrhrrhomahn was a "lidless eye wreathed in flame"

You traversing a slippery slope. Get your act together